Krysaor
by Wuhan Lin
Summary: Natsu, engulfed in guilt, slits his own throat. Warnings: Suicide scene, signs of depression, self-harm. Spoilers for those that are not caught up with the manga. Oneshot that may become a two-shot or three-shot. Quite short.
1. Part 1

**Hello there! Just gonna put something I've been thinking about for a while now. You see, I thought it would be interesting to have a fanfic about Natsu's thoughts with Zeref revealing the truth to him. I searched up all the other stories about Natsu committing suicide because Lucy or some other girl rejected him and I'm just really disgusted.**

 **I like NaLu and a lot of other pairings with Natsu in it (I don't really stick to one) but that's just really OOC for Natsu to do. It's not him at all to try and kill himself over some girl. He'd cry a lot and be depressed for a long time, but he definitely won't kill himself.**

 **Just getting it out of my system, sorry for the rant.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

 **This might be an oneshot or two-shot depending on whether I have the time to write.**

* * *

Just a little more. An inch or two closer, and it'll be done.

A quick slice on his throat, a thin slit opening on his left carotid artery. It'll be easy; a quick flick of the wrist and both the internal and external vessels will be severed.

It'll hurt for only a second when the blood started to gush out, but soon unconsciousness will take over from the lack of blood flowing to the brain.

That's all it will take to erase all of his guilt and finally atone for all his sins.

 _If I only I was stronger_ , he told himself.

 _If only I had held on for even a little bit longer_.

It was cynical thoughts like these that drove Natsu to the point of insanity.

Guilt ate at his heart as blood streamed out of his eyes. Uncontrollable sobs would burst out of his mouth whenever he thought about how he was the reason for this war.

So he was careful not to do so in front of his friends.

Natsu stared at the intricate knife that rested in his palm.

His eyes trailed those golden swirls that surrounded the clean silver of the blade.

So sharp and deadly.

 _This beautiful object will be the one to end my life_ , Natsu mused.

He smiled serenely as he lifted the edge of the blade to his neck.

Tilting it at a diagonal angle, for the carotid arteries were certainly not in the immediate front or on side of the neck, Natsu applied pressure.

He took in a sharp breath as he felt a bead of crimson blood drip out.

 _Just a little more_ , he told himself, _a little more pressure_.

And with a swift and clean precision, Natsu sliced the veins in his neck.

Instantly, he collapsed on his side, gasping for air from the pain. Mahogany ichor pooled around him, staining the floor a blissful red.

Black started to fill Natsu's vision and the pain started to dull.

Eyes half closed, Natsu struggled to let out a small sigh of satisfaction.

 _So the end is near, huh?_

Natsu wished that he could look out the window once more, but the windows were unfortunately adjacent to the door.

The door that he had is back to.

Natsu contemplated turning his head to look, but decided against it. His vision was nearly gone now, and his consciousness had waned to the point that he could barely even twitch his pinky finger.

 _I'm sorry Gray for Deliora. I'm sorry Erza for the Tower of Heaven. I'm sorry Lucy for your mother. I'm sorry Mavis._

 _Forgive me, Onii-san._

And his eyes slid closed.

* * *

 **I hope you liked. As you can see here, there are quite a bit of spoilers for the manga. I put a note in the description, so don't be an asshole in the review section saying that I spoiled Fairy Tail for you.**

 **My bet is that the manga is going to end in tragedy (because the thing with Mavis and Zeref and a bunch of other characters is undoubtedly a tragedy). Rather, Mashima meant for Fairy Tail to be a tragedy, not your typical fighting Romcom (ok only sometimes) shonen manga.**

 **So I think the best description would be the love child of a watered down Tokyo Ghoul (including TG:re) and Bleach (if Yhwach wasn't so shitty).**

 **This really just something I needed to get out of my mind (and admittedly a new Natsu suicide story) because whenever I try to write a new chapter of** ** _Our Last Hope_** **I end up thinking about this and can't focus.**

 **Please Review :D**


	2. Part 2

**Continuation. Might do a part three and turn this into a three-shot. Writing this for fun.**

* * *

In all honesty, Natsu didn't expect to wake up again.

He'd been painlessly floating in a sea of black, where there was no sound, no light, and no sensation. Natsu was completely numb in that place, blissfully laying down on some invisible surface.

Occasionally, he'd 'see' s flicker of something that looked like a crown of tiny lights around him, but the moment Natsu noticed their presence, they disappeared again.

Natsu didn't know how long he had stayed in that place, for time moved uncontrollably when one was dead.

Or so he thought.

Imagine his surprise when thin beam of light pierced the empty dark world.

Natsu's eyes slid open to be met with a blinding light, only to shut them again.

He blinked a few times as his eyes dilated and finally adjusted to the brighter setting.

"He's awake!" someone shouted. Natsu winced at the sudden sound.

"Oi! Not so loud," another said.

Natsu could feel the familiar scratch of bandaged on his neck.

 _So it was a failure?_

Natsu struggled to sit up, his head dizzy. Someone put a hand on his back and shoulder, helping him to lean on a pillow.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he could make the blurry shape of someone with blond hair.

 _Lucy?_

Natsu blinked some more, his vision was still fuzzy. He saw some oddly-shaped blobs of colors and recognized that they were his friends.

A dark blue-tinted raven black (like the dark cold), a scarlet red (like a scarlet despair), a light blue, and a rich gold, like the sun.

"Who was it?" Natsu croaked. His words where scratchy, his voice box throbbing in pain. _I must have nicked it in my haste_.

"What?" the blue raven blob asked in a confused manner. _This was Gray_.

"Who was the one that— that— you know…," Natsu stuttered.

"It was Happy. He was searching for fish in the storage room and found you there," the rich red blob responded.

"On the floor bleeding out from the neck with a knife on the floor."

 _Erza_.

Natsu was silent. He didn't know what to say, and an uneasy tension was building between them.

"Why did you do it?" a soft voice asked. Quiet sobs escaped Lucy's mouth as she gripped his shoulders in a weak embrace.

Natsu's mouth felt dry. It was as if a worm had crawled in his mouth, died, and started rotting there.

"What about the war?" he tried to change the subject.

" _Don't change the subject!_ " Gray shouted, slamming his fist against the wall. Natsu could make out the angry and betrayed expression on his face now.

Natsu didn't say anything. Should he tell them the truth? Or just lie about it?

"Well?" Erza asked, a hint of impatience lingering in her voice.

"You wouldn't understand."

Natsu's cold words cut through them like butter.

"It's all my fault. It's is. Don't deny it; you can't deny it. How can you deny something so obvious? It hurts so much because it was true, no matter what I did it just kept gnawing and I rotted from the inside out."

He hunched over, albeit with difficulty, his hands squeezing the cover over him. His voice had cracked and died into a whisper near the end of his rant.

Emotionless eyes boring into the sheets.

Sharp teeth biting lightly into his lips.

 _It's all my fault it's all my fault all my fault._

"It's about Zeref, isn't it?" Happy asked softly. Erza, Gray, and Lucy turned to stare at him.

Natsu tried to shake his head no, that it wasn't about Zeref but about his sin, the sin that killed millions.

They didn't see or hear his protests.

"Natsu? What does Happy mean by that?" Gray questioned, struggling to keep himself from becoming enraged at the thought that Zeref did this to his friend.

At least not in front of Natsu.

"He's wrong," Natsu tried to say, his words trailing out like a long hiss of a snake, "It's not him, it's me."

He turned his head to face Happy, his eye silently pleading for the Exceed to keep his promise.

 _You won't tell, right? Right?_

Happy bit his lip and nodded ever so slightly.

Natsu relaxed a bit and fell back on the bed.

"I'm sorry for everything," his voice rang clear for the first time in a while.

Black swirled into his vision. Natsu felt his consciousness wavering.

As the sleep overtook him, he forced out two more words.

 _I'm sorry._

* * *

 **I might add another "chapter" if I find the time (or if there are more reviews). As mentioned in Part 1, there was a spoiler alert in the summary. If you are spoiled on anything (I believe Part 3 will be extremely spoiler-heavy) don't come knocking on my door complaining that I spoiled anything. :/**


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